If couples can have healthy conversations, they can resolve most relationship issues. Healthy conversations are respectful and responsive, and healthy relationships require skills. One essential...
Words That Keep Us Together
With the release of my new book, Words That Keep Us Together, I plan to write a five-part blog series on its major principles. This...
Flashpoints
A couple I worked with began discussing challenging issues in their couples counseling. Every time a spouse made a comment likely to ignite an escalation,...
Agendas
In couples counseling, couples primarily talk directly to each other about their most difficult issues. I give them feedback along the way so they can...
Of Course
Tim and Kate were scrambling in the middle of the night when their son vomited in his bed. Kate went to their son’s bedroom to...
OK
Steve was relatively quiet and generally didn’t share a lot. Abby was slightly more verbal but felt disconnected from Steve. Abby shared something in our...
Mountain Out of a Mole Hill
Robert and Joyce were processing a recent conflict in couples counseling. During the argument, Robert told Joyce that she was “making a mountain out of...
The Three H’s
One of my clients was sharing with me the Three H’s—to be heard, helped, or hugged. I thought this was a nice, succinct way to...
Thirty Second Pause
The primary issue for one of my couples was the husband’s lack of emotional restraint. Despite making progress, the husband continued to have explosive episodes...
Advanced Lessons
A couple I saw years ago returned to couples counseling. They had made tremendous progress, but wanted to address the occasional skirmishes that arose. The...