One of my clients was sharing with me the Three H’s—to be heard, helped, or hugged. I thought this was a nice, succinct way to describe needs in a relationship. 

Primarily, individuals want to be heard in a relationship. Individuals want to express themselves and have their partners respond in a supportive way. 

Secondly, sometimes individuals want help in a relationship. It’s important not to assume a partner wants help by offering unsolicited advice or problem-solving. Check whether your help would be helpful. Individuals can also ask for help.

Lastly, sometimes an individual just wants a hug. Most people wouldn’t turn down a hug, and if you need one, just ask. The Three H’s provides a nice model, and the challenge is to discern whether a partner needs to be heard, helped, or hugged.