When conversations get off track, skilled couples can bring them back. A couple does this by giving effective feedback and having their partner be responsive to it.

Effective feedback addresses the impact of a partner’s comments. The problem with the term “feedback” is that it doesn’t indicate whether the feedback is critical. If feedback is critical, it’s ineffective. The person is generally commenting on their partner’s mistakes. If feedback is non-critical, the person shares the impact of their partner’s words.

So, rather than giving critical feedback, give an impact statement. For example, “When you say this…, I feel hurt.” Impact statements share one’s experience without commenting on what your partner is doing wrong.