Repairs are one of the most difficult skills for couples to learn and implement. Repairs are when a conversation begins to go off track but...
Archive for tag: Defensiveness
Home » Defensiveness
27.012021December 2, 2020
Read the Room
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Attacks, Defensiveness
Jack and Eileen were arguing at home when Jack attacked Eileen, Eileen reacted, and Jack said, “Let’s end this.” When they processed this interaction in...
30.092020September 9, 2020
Under the Influence
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Alcohol, Alcoholic, Attacks, Defensiveness
When a couple has a partner who struggles with alcohol use, many spouses tend to attack the struggling partner. When the struggling spouse feels attacked,...
11.122019September 5, 2019
Learning From a Debacle
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Accusations, Defensiveness, Escalation
I hadn’t seen Tim and Maura for a while, but they talked about how much progress they were making. Then Tim brought up a time...
28.112018December 13, 2018
Unconscious
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Comments, Defensiveness, Offended
Tom was shopping with his wife Patty and pulled out his wallet to make a purchase. He saw another guy to his side and said,...
18.102017April 25, 2018
I did. I didn’t
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Defensiveness
“I did.” or “I didn’t.” are often examples of defensiveness. If a partner says you did not do something and the response is “I did.”,...
06.042017January 17, 2017
You Keep Saying It
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Defensiveness, Looping
Looping is when a couple’s conversation goes in circles. It’s when a couple keeps repeating what they are saying over and over again. It typically...
05.052016March 29, 2016
Let Me Give You An Example
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Control, Criticism, Defensiveness, Escalation
It was Friday night and Dave and Amy were planning to go out to dinner with one year old Ava. Amy was commuting home from...
28.042016March 29, 2016
Intimate Friends
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Defensiveness, Emotional Support, Listening, Vulnerability
Ken and Erin were progressing nicely in marriage counseling. They were addressing the major issues in their relationship. In a recent session, Ken noticed that...
14.042016March 29, 2016
Getting Over The Past
By Dr. Richard ReinIn Couples Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship CounselingTags Communication, Defensiveness, Listening
After months of marriage counseling, Jennifer now felt supported by her husband Sean when she talked about Will—her adult son from her first marriage—who struggles...
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