With the release of my new book, Words That Keep Us Together, I plan to write a five-part blog series on its major principles. This...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Flashpoints
A couple I worked with began discussing challenging issues in their couples counseling. Every time a spouse made a comment likely to ignite an escalation,...
Agendas
In couples counseling, couples primarily talk directly to each other about their most difficult issues. I give them feedback along the way so they can...
Of Course
Tim and Kate were scrambling in the middle of the night when their son vomited in his bed. Kate went to their son’s bedroom to...
OK
Steve was relatively quiet and generally didn’t share a lot. Abby was slightly more verbal but felt disconnected from Steve. Abby shared something in our...
Mountain Out of a Mole Hill
Robert and Joyce were processing a recent conflict in couples counseling. During the argument, Robert told Joyce that she was “making a mountain out of...
The Three H’s
One of my clients was sharing with me the Three H’s—to be heard, helped, or hugged. I thought this was a nice, succinct way to...
Thirty Second Pause
The primary issue for one of my couples was the husband’s lack of emotional restraint. Despite making progress, the husband continued to have explosive episodes...
Advanced Lessons
A couple I saw years ago returned to couples counseling. They had made tremendous progress, but wanted to address the occasional skirmishes that arose. The...
Impact Statements
When conversations get off track, skilled couples can bring them back. A couple does this by giving effective feedback and having their partner be responsive...
Monumental Changes
In a couples counseling session, Sarah described losing herself in the marriage. She found her husband, Robert, controlling, and was losing her sense of self...
Less Annoyed and Annoying
As I was helping a couple process a negative interaction, the husband said he could work on his delivery and his reaction. He said he...