As I was helping a couple process a negative interaction, the husband said he could work on his delivery and his reaction. He said he could be “less annoyed and annoying.” I thought this was a cute statement that captures the work in couples counseling. 

Couples primarily work on “being less annoying” by carefully monitoring their words. However, the comment “being less annoyed” introduced another variable. It represents individual work in which a person addresses their reactivity. 

Now, a couple is working on two fronts. One front is to minimize a partner’s reaction by working on one’s delivery. The second front is to subdue one’s own reaction.