In my book, Words That Keep Us Together, I combine Gottman’s groundbreaking research with my four decades of clinical experience treating couples. The principles of conflict management are as follows:

• If a couple’s conversation escalates, it’s likely to result in an argument or fight. 
• It only takes two statements to escalate.
• Escalation typically starts with mild criticism.
• The partner typically responds with defensiveness or reactivity.
• Research shows that if a conversation starts with a negative statement, the likelihood of turning the conversation around is 4%; therefore, early intervention is needed.
• Research also shows that negativity is 5 to 20 times more powerful than positivity; therefore, negativity needs to be minimized to restore intimacy.