“You’re too sensitive!” or “You’re insensitive!” are both accusatory statements. The recipient is likely to react or withdraw. Every individual falls somewhere along the continuum...
Author archive for: drrein
I’m Not Going to Change
One of my couples began to squabble during a couples counseling session and the husband Matt said, “I’m not going to change.” Since couples counseling...
You Should
“Shoulds” are problematic in relationships. They indicate that a partner should act or not act in a particular way. If a partner doesn’t act accordingly,...
You Know That
Kevin and Shauna have been dating about 4 years and Shauna was wondering about the future of their relationship. Shauna, an art teacher, is emotional,...
You Have to Work at it
I was recently reading the book Barking Up the Wrong Tree, and came across a fascinating study. The research compared love marriages—couples that marry because...
No Filter
A client recently shared with me that when she’s with her husband, “I don’t want to filter what I say.” She wants to “be herself”...
Decelerating
A husband was asking me how his conversations with his wife could decelerate, once they begin to escalate. He described his conversations as driving 100...
Connected Conversations
Kim was longing to feel emotionally connected to Sam again, so I was coaching Sam how to be more emotionally responsive to Kim. They were...
A Piece of Work
Ed’s mother was a piece of work. She was visiting from across the country and staying an extended period of time. She had a history...
What I Meant to Say
It’s not unusual for a couple to be talking about a previous conversation and a partner remembers the discussion differently. The tendency is for the...