Tom was making a joke. When Judy responded negatively, he said, “Can’t you take a joke?” Instead, Judy found Tom’s “joke” insulting. A joke is...
Archive for tag: Criticism
Artillery and Bombs
Relationships can become battlefields. Criticism is launched horizontally. A partner intentionally or unintentionally attacks. When one is attacked, the recipient defends him or herself, and...
Critical Feedback
Steve didn’t like how his wife Kate was dealing with their teenage son in the morning. Tommy was reluctant to get up for school in...
What’s Wrong With You?
Tricia and Dave shared with me about a fight they had. Tricia was upset when she had a distressing argument with her brother. Dave could...
Goose Bumps
Judy is the wife of a couple with whom I’ve been working. When I asked her what she wanted to accomplish in couples therapy, her...
Feedback Loops
One goal in couples counseling is to have respectful conversations about relationship issues that need to be addressed. If a couple escalates with each other,...
Let Your Hair Down
Tom and Ally were having a great time at a club when Tom was about to take a picture of them to capture the night....
What’s Wrong
“What’s wrong?” These two words reveal the importance of tone of voice in communication. In a caring tone of voice, the words will be experienced...
Criticism and Defensiveness
In order to resolve the inevitable differences that couples experience, they need to be able to talk openly about issues without criticism or defensiveness. When...