Couples counseling is designed to create a safe environment for couples to be more emotionally open with each other. As couples feel safe to disclose issues they would be unlikely to share outside of the session, it’s not unusual for an individual to say, “You never told me that!” This statement is frequently experienced as critical.

As couples address the initial issues in their relationship, they eventually move to underlying issues. These underlying issues were previously not safe for struggling couples to talk about outside of the session.

When the conversation is safe enough for a partner to share something new or to express something differently, a more appropriate response is, “I appreciate you sharing that.” It’s more effective to encourage and acknowledge a partner being more disclosive.