Kate has an issue with Marc’s drinking. Marc’s a golfer and likes to drink with his buddies after golfing. Kate thinks his drinking is excessive—changing his personality to the point of becoming belligerent. Marc initially reacted to Kate’s concerns, defending his drinking as being social. Kate felt it was problematic since it was impacting their relationship.

When Kate and Marc first came to counseling, Kate would attack Marc for his drinking and Marc would be defensive. Now Kate talked about her concerns and Marc listened responsively. He committed to limit his drinking after golf because of the negative impact on their relationship.

His responsiveness took the form of appreciation when he said, “The reason I’m going to spend the rest of my life with Kate is she makes me a better person.”