When Dave says something inappropriate, he tends to respond, “I didn’t intend to hurt you.” For example, when Dave said to his wife, “You don’t have a clue,” his wife expressed her hurt, and Dave said, “I didn’t intend to hurt you.” This response didn’t work.

Dave may not have had ill intentions, but his statement was hurtful. An improved response could be “I shouldn’t have said that.” In this way, he is taking responsibility for his hurtful comment.