Phil told me that he and Elyse had a damaged relationship. At home, the language was inflammatory, and conversations were futile. In couples counseling, they could not yet talk directly to each other. If a couple cannot eventually speak directly to each other in couples counseling, the couple’s prognosis is questionable. 

As I had Phil and Elyse talk to me directly, I commented on their provocative language. In this way, they get feedback on which words and phrases are ineffective. As the spouses express themselves more effectively, they are more likely to hear each other. We want this approach to morph into talking directly to each other in the session, with guidance as needed. The hope is that the couple will eventually have improved conversations at home.

Since their poor communication was so ingrained, Phil questioned whether his relationship would survive. So far, they can’t yet talk successfully to each other in the counseling sessions, never mind at home. We hope their conversations, filtered through me, eventually translate into successful discussions with each other.