As Tom and Andrea discussed their struggles, Tom said, “I’m doing the best I can.” I told Tom that the statement suggests he cannot do better. I said couples can improve with the right effort. 

His comment sounded more like a cliche than what was true for him. When I had him redo his statement, Tom said, “I’m at one of the lowest points in my life.” He and Andrea were still separated, and he struggled with being apart from her and their daughter. Now, he was being vulnerable with Andrea, which brought them closer. Now, he was doing better.