Sheri and Ed were really struggling. They initially made progress in couples counseling but were having a setback. Early in the work, they were working on themselves, but more recently, they started blaming each other again. Sheri complained about Ed’s intense reactions. Ed complained about Sheri’s withdrawal. They were caught in this blame loop.

To break through this, I had each of them really focus on what they needed to work on in the relationship. Sheri’s therapist was encouraging her to be open in couples counseling and detach from her anxiety about speaking up in our sessions. At home, Sheri was working on being open and honest when she struggled.

Ed said that he was working with his therapist on modulating his emotions, temper, and reactivity. Sheri expressed her need to feel emotionally safe and shared that she was seeing Ed’s progress.

Blame was transformed into action by working on themselves. By operating in this way, they gave themselves a real chance to recover.