When I observe couples interacting in counseling, one of my favorite statements is, “What would work for me…” What I love about this statement is that the individual is not pointing out what their partner is doing wrong. The individual is also not offering advice on what their partner should do instead. Rather, they are giving explicit instructions on what would be helpful.

The information suggests what a partner could do or say differently to be more effective. If you are leaning toward criticizing your partner or giving advice, consider using the statement, “What would work for me…”