When the husband of a couple I work with misspeaks, he tries to convince his wife of his good intentions. This approach doesn’t work for him. It sounds like he is trying to excuse his hurtful statements. His intention not to be hurtful doesn’t excuse the comment. 

Instead, I suggested to the husband that he use the statement, “What I meant to say. . . .” In this way, he can redo his comment more effectively—rather than excuse what didn’t work. However, using this lead-in phrase requires a more skillful response.