People don’t like to be told what to do. In relationships, partners don’t like to be told what to do. If a partner asks for advice, the advice is solicited and not problematic—although asking for advice is infrequent in most relationships. If a person gives unsolicited advice, that person puts themselves in the role of the expert and creates a hierarchy. There may be tension or frustration if a partner doesn’t follow the advice or the partner may be judged for not following the advice.

One way to give a perspective without imposing one’s perspective is to use self-disclosure. Rather than telling a person what to do or how to do it, one can share a story of how he or she dealt with a similar situation in the past. Another way to self-disclose is to talk about how you would deal with the situation if you were in it. By using self-disclosure, one can express a point of view without insisting your partner deal with the situation similarly.