I started couples therapy with David and Elyse, and Elyse didn’t know if she wanted to continue the marriage. She found David controlling and said that he couldn’t change. I shared that her perspective was an obstacle to change. 

She acknowledged that he was making small changes but doubted the changes were sustainable. I told her his changes would need time to lock in. In other words, the behaviors could become new habits so effective that there was no going back.

Couples therapy is all about change. If someone refuses to change, then couples counseling is limited. If one is committed to change, the partner decides whether the change is sufficient to stay together.