Justin and Michelle were going away for the weekend. Justin insisted on returning to a particular restaurant, saying “I am going to ….” I pointed out to Justin that he was focusing on himself rather than the relationship, in addition to being commanding.

When I suggested saying, “I would like us to go to …,” he seemed annoyed with me. When I inquired, he said, “What’s the big deal by changing a couple of words?”

In this case, language reflects how Justin thinks in addition to the relationship dynamics. It’s fine for Justin to make a suggestion or request, but his language reflects he is primarily focused on what he wants to do—not including Michelle in the decision making—and at the same time, commanding what they are going to do.

I may be asking Justin to change a few words but the words reflect how he thinks about Michelle and the relationship. The rephrasing includes Michelle in the decision making rather than telling her what they are going to do.