Mitch knew Donna was having a stressful weekend due to all of their commitments. Therefore Mitch offered to take their son to a birthday party so that Donna could spend some downtime at home. He kept insisting he would do this despite Donna being clear that spending time away from her family on the weekend was not downtime for her. In this case, Mitch’s problem-solving approach wasn’t solving the problem, despite his good intentions. Rather than insist, he needed to better hear his wife’s desire to be with her family despite her commitments.

I also see this dynamic in other couples when, for example, a husband is going on a golf trip with friends. The husband can insist that his wife goes away with her girlfriends—as if the quid pro quo solves the problem. Instead, the husband needs to schedule a trip sensitive to and appreciative of the impact of his time away on his wife, e.g., child responsibilities. Sensitivity prevails.