Tim and Kate were scrambling in the middle of the night when their son vomited in his bed. Kate went to their son’s bedroom to clean him up, but she wanted help with changing the sheets. When we processed the incident, Kate said, “Of course, I needed help.” The phrase “of course” indicates that Tim should have known this and criticizes him for not realizing it.

In our couples counseling session, I suggested that she eliminate the word “of course.” She concluded that she could have said, “I need help.” It struck us that changing just two words would have shifted the fight to partnership.