Tom and Ally were having a great time at a club when Tom was about to take a picture of them to capture the night. Ally took her hair down and Tom said, “Why did you take your hair down”? This rhetorical question criticized Ally for taking her hair down, even if it’s unintentionally critical.

In our counseling session, I had Tom make the rhetorical question into a statement. He said, “You look so beautiful with your hair up so I wanted to remember the evening with a picture.” Now that’s a different message.