Some couples are so reactive that when they talk directly to each other in couples counseling, they escalate quickly. Their patterns are so ingrained that they repeat the combative arguments that they have at home.

I can have them talk directly to me to break the pattern, but it slows down their progress. Ultimately, couples need to use the counseling sessions to have a different conversation than the one they would have at home.

Instead, I sit very close to these couples so I’m in their energetic space. That begins to break up the pattern, and when I give them feedback, they are responsive. My goal is for these couples to get more skilled so they can converse successfully even when I sit further back, demonstrating a newfound skill set.