Making promises can be problematic in a relationship, since one is guaranteeing they will do something. If he or she ends up not doing it, it’s breaking a promise. It’s better to commit to an action—dedicating oneself—so one doesn’t lose credibility if it doesn’t happen.

Alan was out at a work function and came home intoxicated. Alan’s relationship with Michelle was on shaky ground, and Michelle was furious. Alan promised he would never drink to excess again, and took pleasure drinking club soda with lime at his next work event.

The problem is if Alan slips and drinks more than expected or the alcohol has a greater impact than expected, he has broken a promise. He is better off committing not to drink excessively. In this way, if he slips, he can rededicate his efforts without breaking a promise.