“I love you but I’m not in love with you” is a familiar refrain in couples counseling. This comment can create anxiety for a partner who wants to stay married. Even though most couples start couples counseling “not in love”, the majority of couples in marriage counseling end up staying together happily married.

John and Abby are one such couple. John made this statement in our first session and Abby panicked. As they continued their sessions, it became clear that they lost each other over the years. John got absorbed in his work and Abby got lost in parenting, especially with one of their struggling kids.

As their conversations continued, it became clear that the couple still felt fondly toward one another. Negative comments sometimes got in the way. Fortunately this couple engaged in couples counseling before John checked out.

John loved Abby as the mother of their children but they detached over the years. Through good dialogue, they had the chance to restore that feeling of “being in love”.