Maryanne and Don were deciding whether to have a baby. Maryanne wanted badly to have children and Don was clear that he didn’t.

This is one of the more challenging decisions that couples grapple with in couples counseling. The decision reflects individual needs, values and beliefs. When Maryanne talked about wanting a child, you could feel her heart ache. Don was just clear that he wasn’t interested.

Don said he stated this when they were dating. Maryanne was enjoying their relationship and didn’t anticipate it would be a problem. As the years went by, Maryanne felt having children would only enhance their relationship.

Don was steadfast and over time it became clear to Maryanne that she would need to leave the relationship to have children. Maryanne continued to enjoy her marriage and didn’t want to take the risk of leaving; she wasn’t hopeful she would find a partner willing to have children as she approached her forties.

Maryanne gradually resigned herself to not having children (10% of married couples don’t have children). I continued to work with the couple regarding other issues that impacted their relationship and strengthening their connection.

If there was any second guessing, Maryanne’s decision was validated when Don said in our last session, “I can’t imagine living life without you.” While disappointed about not having children, Maryanne felt that she and Don had reached a new level of intimacy.