Susan and Ron struggled when I first saw them in couples counseling. They were now making enough progress to spread the sessions out. In this session, Susan was in a reflective mood, thinking about what tools they were now using. 

She first said, “Time heals all wounds.” I said, “Time does not heal couples’ wounds.” When couples struggle, relationships typically deteriorate over time. The work in couples counseling is to figure out what they need to do differently in order to be successful.

Ron thought they were more intentional in their communication. He said he was more resilient, e.g., when Susan said something offensive, he was more careful about his response. He said they were no longer allowing issues to build up and were more accepting of each other. In addition, when Susan was down, he was now able to listen and support her.

I found it fascinating for this couple to deliberately detect what they were doing differently. It was these changes that were healing old wounds.