There is a parable that says if you toss a frog into a pot of boiling water, it’s going to feel the intense heat immediately, and it’s going to jump right out to save itself. But if you put that same frog in a pot of lukewarm water and slowly heat it, the frog doesn’t notice the temperature rising and eventually boils. The metaphor illustrates how gradual change can go unnoticed compared to sudden change.

Jason and Heather started couples counseling because they felt disconnected. They neglected their relationship, which was struggling with communication and intimacy issues. However, during our work, Heather discovered Jason was having an affair.

The gradual deterioration of their relationship set the conditions for the sudden change in the affair. Now we needed to work through the affair and the neglect. Noticing gradual change helps.