A couple I worked with began discussing challenging issues in their couples counseling. Every time a spouse made a comment likely to ignite an escalation, I either pointed out what was problematic and how to be more effective, or restated the comment for them. Each intervention was a flashpoint. If the couple was having this conversation at home, these were the moments they would likely escalate.

At the end of the session, I realized that I had intervened fifteen to twenty times. Each intervention prevented an escalation. As couples learn the skills that I teach or model, the number of interventions fortunately decreases over time. By the end of our work, I anticipate this couple will be able to prevent and repair conflict independently.