If a couple starts a conversation with a negative statement (a harsh startup), the likelihood of responding negatively (the second statement) is 94%. Therefore the third statement being negative is likely to be higher than 94%. So it only takes two to three negative statements to create conflict. Couples can avoid conflict by either not making a negative statement or by not responding negatively. This requires learning and implementing the skill set that successful couples use.

Successful couples know how to discuss issues and differences. They talk to each other respectfully and are responsive to each other’s needs. Their conversations can be emotionally intimate.

By transforming the language couples use with each other, they can move from conflict and disconnection to collaboration and intimacy. The skill is to learn the language of successful couples and to implement it. By applying these skills, couples can talk successfully about anything, leading to a more lasting and fulfilling relationship.