Problems are inevitable in relationships. The problems individuals deal with in their relationship depend on who they marry or commit to. Partners have unique personalities, values and needs that they bring to relationships. Psychologist Dan Wile suggests choosing a partner with a set of problems that one can manage. His example below illustrates this concept beautifully.

“Paul married Alice and Alice gets loud at parties and Paul, who is shy, hates that. But if Paul had married Susan he and Susan would have gotten into a fight before they even got to the party. That’s because Paul is always late and Susan hates to be kept waiting. She would feel taken for granted which she is very sensitive about. If Paul had married Gail, they wouldn’t have even gone to the party because they would still be upset about an argument they had the day before about Paul’s not helping with the housework. To Gail, when Paul does not help, she feels abandoned, which she is sensitive about, and to Paul, Gail’s complaining is an attempt at domination, which he is sensitive about.”