The husband of a couple I see wants his wife to give him the benefit of the doubt. The husband has good intentions and doesn’t want to be hurtful to his wife. But rather than taking responsibility for his critical comments, he wants his wife to forgive his misstatements.

The benefit of the doubt is earned, rather than willed. When couples consistently change their negative statements, a hurtful comment may be let go if it’s no longer the norm. To insist on the benefit of the doubt doesn’t work.