Two of the more common reasons for divorcing are:  we’ve grown apart or we have stopped talking to each other. In fact, even successful relationships have periods in which they feel distant from one another or there’s less communication. What differentiates successful couples is that they are able to talk about their distance in a way that allows them to reconnect.

Dr. Bill Doherty says that growing apart or not talking to each other is the common cold or flu of relationships. It makes one uncomfortable, but it’s not a terminal medical condition that would justify ending a relationship.

When couples disconnect, they are either avoiding conflict or not having the conversations that would reconnect them. These are conditions that couples counseling can heal—reconnecting couples through dialogue or addressing the conflict they are avoiding—if couples are not able to do this on their own.

Couples make thousands of little choices to distance themselves. They can make different choices, with or without couples counseling, to reunite.