Dan asked, “Are you okay?” and Rebecca said she didn’t like the question. In our couples counseling session, I asked Dan to change the question into a statement. So instead, he said to Rebecca, “I’m concerned about your depression.”

Questions put the focus on the other person and tend to create confusion. Statements are declarations of what an individual is thinking or feeling, and make communication clearer. I find that couples, by sharing their thoughts and feelings, deepen their connection.