Processing conflict is one of the most important skills successful couples develop. Since conflict in relationships is inevitable, discussing conflict allows individuals to learn what their role is in an escalation. Processing also heals a particular incident so there’s not a buildup of unfinished issues.

As couples progress in counseling, they are able to process conflict in between sessions. When they achieve this, I encourage couples to discuss recent incidents again in couples counseling—reprocessing. 

When processing again with a trained third-party facilitator giving feedback, they can do so with even greater skill. The couples counselor points out subtleties they’re unlikely to recognize on their own. Processing is such a crucial skill, that having couples refine it to an advanced level ensures success.