No Big Deal

One of the comments couples can make is “It’s no big deal.” I find men more likely to make this comment than women. The problem with the statement is that it’s dismissive.

An individual is initially sharing because something is important to him or her. When a person responds it’s not a big deal, he or she is discounting what their partner just said. The partner may also hear the response critically—“You’re making too big a deal of it.”

A more effective response is “I didn’t realize that it was a big deal to you.” In this way, the listener acknowledges their partner for bringing up an issue because it is important or a big deal.