Elysia and Scott were sitting in the physician’s waiting room waiting for Elysia’s appointment. Elysia’s cell phone rang and she answered. Elysia kept the conversation brief but it annoyed Scott.

Scott said, “Did you not see the sign that says no cell phones in the area? You need to pay attention!”

Elysia responded, “Do I look like I have my glasses on?”

Elysia reported this interaction in our next relationship coaching session and was still seething. If Scott was more skilled, he could have been informative, instead of critical, by saying, “There’s a sign over there saying no cell phone use in the waiting area.” Since Scott wasn’t in couples counseling, we couldn’t give him the feedback.

A different reaction by Elysia could also prevent the escalation and ensuing distance. “Scott, I didn’t have my glasses on so I didn’t see the sign.” It’s challenging to filter through criticism and respond non-critically; however, the ability to do so would have saved Elysia from days of feeling aggravated.