Derek and Olivia were making enough progress in couples counseling for Derek to bring up
restoring their physical intimacy. However, Olivia said she still wasn’t interested. She thought
their conversations were mostly about logistics, and she wanted to feel emotionally intimate first.
Then she shared a pivotal moment in their relationship.
Several years ago, she wanted to share some of her childhood experiences and connect
how these experiences were impacting her and their relationship. When she shared several
intimate stories, she hoped Derek would do the same. Instead, he said, “Why are you
telling me this?” That was the moment Olivia decided no longer to make herself vulnerable.
When Derek heard her experience, he knew he blew it. Since he stumbled to repair it, I modeled
for him an adequate response, and then he did so on his own. Olivia’s courage to bring this up
years later and his improved response allowed them to remedy what was initially a blown