I read the latest book by Bill Belichick on leadership success. One of the more important aspects of success is being able to say, “I...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Respond
A recommendation is to respond rather than react. When your partner expresses their thoughts, feelings, or ideas, listen attentively and respond thoughtfully. If you react,...
Different Conversations
I watched a movie last night that featured a couple with a lovely relationship. The husband’s son from a previous relationship spent the summer with...
An Exchange of Ideas
Couples get in trouble when they try to convince or persuade their partner of their point of view. This mindset sets up a debate in...
What Would Work For Me…
When I observe couples interacting in counseling, one of my favorite statements is, “What would work for me…” What I love about this statement is...
Direct Dialogue
A measure of success in couples counseling is a couple’s ability to talk directly to each other about their relationship. This is what differentiates successful...
You Blew It
I have a couple who is close to finishing counseling. I saw them five months ago, and they shared their progress since their last session....
I Didn’t Intend
When Dave says something inappropriate, he tends to respond, “I didn’t intend to hurt you.” For example, when Dave said to his wife, “You don’t...
In Your Space
Some couples are so reactive that when they talk directly to each other in couples counseling, they escalate quickly. Their patterns are so ingrained that...
I Expect
Expectations can be detrimental to a relationship. They are typically imposed thoughts of how a partner should behave, such as “I expect you to….” Expectations...
Harmonious Differences
Differences don’t need to be problematic in relationships, since all relationships have differences. The issue is how couples manage these differences. Ideally, couples have respectful...
Measured Response
The husband of one of my couples talked about having a measured response. This was a great description of what individuals try to achieve in...