Rachel and Jake had been married for decades and began couples therapy when Rachel thought about leaving. Jake didn’t treat her well, and she was...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Gnawing
Sometimes, couples are unsure when to bring up an issue and when to let it go. A good guideline is to consider talking about something...
Shoulds Are Coulds
Shoulds are problematic in couples counseling. When someone thinks their partner should do or say something, it imposes an expectation on the partner. Shoulds have...
They Can’t Change
I started couples therapy with David and Elyse, and Elyse didn’t know if she wanted to continue the marriage. She found David controlling and said...
Rewiring Your Relationship
Chris and Angela started couples counseling in a very unhappy state. Chris was dealing with depression, and Angela judged his lack of involvement. Negative interactions...
The Form of Language
Cam and Laurie came to couples counseling, unclear if their marriage could survive. Now, they are having mostly respectful conversations and improving their support of...
Defaulting
In a couples counseling session, Kerri talked about scrolling on her phone because Daniel was watching TV. Daniel talked about watching TV because Kerri was...
You Seem Off
Leah and Robert were on a road trip when Robert started slowing down on the highway, and Leah said, “What’s wrong with you?” Robert heard...
Resolve Doesn’t Mean You Agree
Claire was upset at Andy for moving money from one account to another without telling her. He said he thought he had told her, but...
Muscle Memory
In my couples counseling sessions, we focus a lot on language. Couples’ ability to work through issues depends on their communication skills. Couples counseling aims...
Rewiring
Heather came to couples counseling to either repair their relationship or end it. Her husband of thirty years, Jay, recently erupted and verbally attacked her,...
Integrity in Your Words
I usually think of integrity as fidelity in a committed relationship. However, one of my clients discussed having “integrity in your words.” I liked the...