All relationships have setbacks, whether from outside the relationship or within. The challenge is for couples to learn from these setbacks. Rather than defaulting to...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Lost in the Mundane
Rebecca and Michael came to me in crisis. Michael had an affair with a co-worker, and they wanted to work through it. Rebecca wanted to...
Talk to Me
Occasionally, I have couples who can’t talk directly to each other in couples counseling. Their patterns are so entrenched that they repeat the unhealthy dynamics...
Our Money
When couples discuss finances, individuals tend to react when a partner talks about “my” money rather than “our” money. Even when couples have the traditional...
Checking in is Partnership
John mowed the lawn, but Angela was upset with him. His actions impacted her plans for the day. She talked about the importance of John...
Don’t React, Respond
Rachel and Jake had been married for decades and began couples therapy when Rachel thought about leaving. Jake didn’t treat her well, and she was...
Gnawing
Sometimes, couples are unsure when to bring up an issue and when to let it go. A good guideline is to consider talking about something...
Shoulds Are Coulds
Shoulds are problematic in couples counseling. When someone thinks their partner should do or say something, it imposes an expectation on the partner. Shoulds have...
They Can’t Change
I started couples therapy with David and Elyse, and Elyse didn’t know if she wanted to continue the marriage. She found David controlling and said...
Rewiring Your Relationship
Chris and Angela started couples counseling in a very unhappy state. Chris was dealing with depression, and Angela judged his lack of involvement. Negative interactions...
The Form of Language
Cam and Laurie came to couples counseling, unclear if their marriage could survive. Now, they are having mostly respectful conversations and improving their support of...
Defaulting
In a couples counseling session, Kerri talked about scrolling on her phone because Daniel was watching TV. Daniel talked about watching TV because Kerri was...