Greg and Aimee have a contentious relationship. Rather than discussing, each is trying to convince and make a case for their position. This sets the...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Looped
Jeff and Abby are struggling. Abby is absorbed by her demanding job and tending to their young children. Jeff is personally struggling and using alcohol...
Sharing Thoughts
Tyler is generally quiet. Leah wants Tyler to be more open and share his thoughts. Tyler shared that when he’s quiet, Leah would say, “Is...
Statements are Clearer
Dan asked, “Are you okay?” and Rebecca said she didn’t like the question. In our couples counseling session, I asked Dan to change the question...
Rewriting History
When women want to address unfinished issues from the past, it’s not uncommon for husbands to say, “It’s in the past.” However, the comment is...
Transformation
Jack and Danielle have been married for three decades and were in a bad place. Jack had been married twice before, and this was their...
The Grass is Greener
The husband of a couple was questioning whether to continue his marriage. His wife was concerned that he was comparing their relationship to others. Her...
Getting Close
I had been seeing Andrew and Katherine in couples counseling for a year and a half, and now they were coming to the end of...
Let’s Talk
When I asked Kevin and Doreen, a couple in their sixties, what a fight looked like if I were to observe it, Doreen said, “We...
Use Statements
When discussing relationship issues, it’s more effective to use statements than questions. Statements declare what an individual’s thoughts and feelings are on a particular topic,...
Express, Instead of Persuade
It’s important to express oneself rather than persuade your partner to your point of view. Persuasion is more like a debate, in which an individual...
Coaching Success
Virtually all professional athletes have coaches, whether in team or individual sports. Why can’t couples have the same? They can. Ultimately, a competent couples therapist...