It’s important to express oneself rather than persuade your partner to your point of view. Persuasion is more like a debate, in which an individual...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Coaching Success
Virtually all professional athletes have coaches, whether in team or individual sports. Why can’t couples have the same? They can. Ultimately, a competent couples therapist...
Weaponize
If an individual threatens to end or leave a relationship, this often occurs in the heat of the moment, during an escalation. The threat destabilizes...
You’re Speaking Loudly
Volume can be an issue in relationships. If someone is speaking softly, you might lean in to the conversation. If someone is speaking loudly, you...
Hard Conversations
Successful couples can have hard conversations. These are the discussions that couples need to have to address issues and improve their relationship. The challenge is...
I F’ed That Up
I read the latest book by Bill Belichick on leadership success. One of the more important aspects of success is being able to say, “I...
Respond
A recommendation is to respond rather than react. When your partner expresses their thoughts, feelings, or ideas, listen attentively and respond thoughtfully. If you react,...
Different Conversations
I watched a movie last night that featured a couple with a lovely relationship. The husband’s son from a previous relationship spent the summer with...
An Exchange of Ideas
Couples get in trouble when they try to convince or persuade their partner of their point of view. This mindset sets up a debate in...
What Would Work For Me…
When I observe couples interacting in counseling, one of my favorite statements is, “What would work for me…” What I love about this statement is...
Direct Dialogue
A measure of success in couples counseling is a couple’s ability to talk directly to each other about their relationship. This is what differentiates successful...
You Blew It
I have a couple who is close to finishing counseling. I saw them five months ago, and they shared their progress since their last session....