Escalation is a core problem in many relationships. If a person starts a conversation with a negative comment, the likelihood of a partner responding negatively...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
We Need to Talk
Robert dreaded when Diane said, “We need to talk.” He knew the conversation was likely to escalate. She criticized him, he then defended himself, and...
Resolved
Stephanie loved her uncle Jerry. When he unexpectedly died, she was quite distraught. When she told her husband Jake, he hugged her; but the hug...
Opening to Feedback
Mike would do anything for his wife Candace and could be quite accommodating, but he also had a subtle manner of getting his way, insisting...
Mars and Venus
The best selling hard-cover nonfiction book of all time is Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray, Ph.D. This reflects people’s...
Listen, Support, and Validate
Sue was emotional these days. Her father’s memory was beginning to fail him and she was feeling distressed. When she began to share her upset...
Liberace Glasses
Bruce and Cindy were vacationing in Palm Springs and walked into an eyeglass store. Bruce saw a pair of Maybach glasses for $14,000. He called...
Discovery and Recovery
Wendy checked out of her relationship with Alan. Alan wasn’t meeting her emotional needs and hadn’t for years. Any attempt to change this consistently ended...
Code 2, Aisle 2
In my first session with couples, I love to hear the answer to the questions of how they met and what attracted them. Typically couples...
Can’t you Take a Joke?
Tom was making a joke. When Judy responded negatively, he said, “Can’t you take a joke?” Instead, Judy found Tom’s “joke” insulting. A joke is...
Attacking Vulnerabilities
John & Dana disconnected over the years. In our marriage counseling session, John shared that he was seeing a therapist individually for years. Dana was...
Artillery and Bombs
Relationships can become battlefields. Criticism is launched horizontally. A partner intentionally or unintentionally attacks. When one is attacked, the recipient defends him or herself, and...