I watched my niece radiate as she and her husband-to-be were making their wedding vows. The groom talked about noticing my niece from the moment...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Looping
Escalation is the primary reason for relationship distress. It occurs when individuals attack their partner and partners attack back. However, there’s another process that’s problematic...
I Want a Divorce
In our couples counseling session, Jackie complained that during a fight, Will threatened to leave the relationship. Threats can occur when a couple escalates. Threats...
How Affairs Begin
Julie and Dave came to me after Julie’s affair was discovered. Individuals who have affairs are not typically looking for an affair partner. The relationship...
Don’t Call Me Names
Tim complained that Beth thought he was lazy. Anne complained that Doug inferred she was stupid. Nick didn’t like being called an a** hole. Keri...
Constructive Criticism
There is no such thing as constructive criticism. In relationships criticism is actually destructive. If one is critical in a relationship, the individual is putting...
Choose Well
Problems are inevitable in relationships. The problems individuals deal with in their relationship depend on who they marry or commit to. Partners have unique personalities,...
The Circuit Breaker
When couples begin couples counseling, I encourage them to address the most difficult issues in the counseling sessions. As couples progress, the issues become more...
She Makes Me a Better Person
Kate has an issue with Marc’s drinking. Marc’s a golfer and likes to drink with his buddies after golfing. Kate thinks his drinking is excessive—changing...
On The Defense
Gary wanted Emily to take off the Friday before a Monday holiday. Since it was difficult for Emily to do so, she took off Tuesday...
Love Languages
I recently read the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. This book has useful concepts for couples. Love languages are the ways...
Let’s Start Over
When a couple escalates, they are in conflict and unlikely to resolve issues. If a couple starts a conversation with a negative statement, the likelihood...