During a couples counseling session, Debbie told her husband Al, “You are depressed.” The problem with the statement is that it’s critical and analytic—she’s diagnosing...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
You’re Too Tense
As her kids were getting older, Madeline decided to return to work outside the home. She started her own business and was having great success....
Torn Between Two Women
As an only child, Joe feels obligated to his seventy-two year old mother. His father died years ago and his mother’s only sibling recently died....
Thirty Percent
I hadn’t seen Mark and Ellie in a couple of months due to illness and scheduling issues. When I asked them how they were doing,...
The Moody Spouse
Nicole and John were coming home from a party when they got caught up in traffic. John was annoyed and nothing Nicole said could assuage...
Reacting to Reactivity
When Brendan finished talking about a situation at work, his wife Marianne started to share a story about the neighbors. Brendan was exhausted and talked...
Overcoming Apathy
Because they were so disconnected, Laurie and Matt finally agreed to come to couples counseling. Laurie previously talked to Matt about her needs not being...
Mindful Communication
A couple, with whom I recently started, said they talked to each other with “careless disregard”. Their comments were sometimes snide and mean. We talked...
Let me Finish
When couples talk directly to each other in couples counseling, the ground rule is not to interrupt each other. When couples interrupt, they typically escalate....
Internal Trust
When we think about trust in relationships, we usually think about fidelity. Fidelity means the boundaries of the relationship are intact, i.e., there is loyalty...
I’d Rather be Happy than Right
“I’d rather be happy than right” is a quote from a husband of one of my couples. Being happy in a relationship beats winning. He’s...
I See it Differently
An individual expresses a perspective or memory, and their partner, says, “I disagree.” or even worse, “That’s not true.” These responses tends to be contentious,...