John’s parents divorced when he was a toddler and he immigrated from Cape Verde to the US as a teenager with his mother. His dad...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
You’re Controlling
Andrea and Don came to marriage counseling to work on their disconnection. As they talked about their disconnection, Andrea talked about feeling micro-managed and controlled, ...
You Don’t Fight Anymore
As Roberta and Dan were concluding their marriage counseling sessions, we were reviewing their progress. Roberta shared that their 8 year old son Conor recently...
What Do You Need?
I was recently reading the Gottman Institute’s newsletter Marriage Minute and the Gottmans’ shared a story about their relationship. Dr. Julie Gottman shared feeling upset...
Disengaged
The majority of couples in counseling have difficulty managing conflict, but discord doesn’t characterize every couple. Some couples are disengaged. Disconnected couples may avoid addressing...
A Word Can Make A Difference
During a couples counseling session, Debbie told her husband Al, “You are depressed.” The problem with the statement is that it’s critical and analytic—she’s diagnosing...
You’re Too Tense
As her kids were getting older, Madeline decided to return to work outside the home. She started her own business and was having great success....
Torn Between Two Women
As an only child, Joe feels obligated to his seventy-two year old mother. His father died years ago and his mother’s only sibling recently died....
Thirty Percent
I hadn’t seen Mark and Ellie in a couple of months due to illness and scheduling issues. When I asked them how they were doing,...
The Moody Spouse
Nicole and John were coming home from a party when they got caught up in traffic. John was annoyed and nothing Nicole said could assuage...
Reacting to Reactivity
When Brendan finished talking about a situation at work, his wife Marianne started to share a story about the neighbors. Brendan was exhausted and talked...
Overcoming Apathy
Because they were so disconnected, Laurie and Matt finally agreed to come to couples counseling. Laurie previously talked to Matt about her needs not being...