When Brendan finished talking about a situation at work, his wife Marianne started to share a story about the neighbors. Brendan was exhausted and talked...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Overcoming Apathy
Because they were so disconnected, Laurie and Matt finally agreed to come to couples counseling. Laurie previously talked to Matt about her needs not being...
Mindful Communication
A couple, with whom I recently started, said they talked to each other with “careless disregard”. Their comments were sometimes snide and mean. We talked...
Let me Finish
When couples talk directly to each other in couples counseling, the ground rule is not to interrupt each other. When couples interrupt, they typically escalate....
Internal Trust
When we think about trust in relationships, we usually think about fidelity. Fidelity means the boundaries of the relationship are intact, i.e., there is loyalty...
I’d Rather be Happy than Right
“I’d rather be happy than right” is a quote from a husband of one of my couples. Being happy in a relationship beats winning. He’s...
I See it Differently
An individual expresses a perspective or memory, and their partner, says, “I disagree.” or even worse, “That’s not true.” These responses tends to be contentious,...
I Can Read Your Mind
Sometimes an individual expects a partner to know what he or she is thinking. This process is referred to as mind reading—I expect you to...
Give the Gift that Keeps Giving
An area of contention for couples can be gift giving. Partners can have expectations for what they want for various holidays such as birthdays, anniversaries,...
Don’t Punish me With Your Silence
As I was watching an episode of Netflix’s series The Crown, the Prince of Edinborough said to his wife Queen Elizabeth, “Don’t punish me with...
Put Your Shoes Away
Differences can create conflict in relationships. The challenge is to distinguish between personality differences—which are unlikely to change—and behaviors, which are amenable to change. Personality...
That’s Gross!
David put his finger in a jar of peanut butter, licked the peanut butter off his finger, and proceeded to put his licked finger back...