A couple, with whom I recently started, said they talked to each other with “careless disregard”. Their comments were sometimes snide and mean. We talked...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Let me Finish
When couples talk directly to each other in couples counseling, the ground rule is not to interrupt each other. When couples interrupt, they typically escalate....
Internal Trust
When we think about trust in relationships, we usually think about fidelity. Fidelity means the boundaries of the relationship are intact, i.e., there is loyalty...
I’d Rather be Happy than Right
“I’d rather be happy than right” is a quote from a husband of one of my couples. Being happy in a relationship beats winning. He’s...
I See it Differently
An individual expresses a perspective or memory, and their partner, says, “I disagree.” or even worse, “That’s not true.” These responses tends to be contentious,...
I Can Read Your Mind
Sometimes an individual expects a partner to know what he or she is thinking. This process is referred to as mind reading—I expect you to...
Give the Gift that Keeps Giving
An area of contention for couples can be gift giving. Partners can have expectations for what they want for various holidays such as birthdays, anniversaries,...
Don’t Punish me With Your Silence
As I was watching an episode of Netflix’s series The Crown, the Prince of Edinborough said to his wife Queen Elizabeth, “Don’t punish me with...
Put Your Shoes Away
Differences can create conflict in relationships. The challenge is to distinguish between personality differences—which are unlikely to change—and behaviors, which are amenable to change. Personality...
That’s Gross!
David put his finger in a jar of peanut butter, licked the peanut butter off his finger, and proceeded to put his licked finger back...
We’re Incompatible
Occasionally a couple will come to couples counseling announcing they are incompatible. I find this rare. Couples will have differences. In fact, fifty percent of...
Sex & Aging
Sexual satisfaction increases with age. Two thirds of couples are still sexual in their sixties and one third of couples are still sexual into their...