Some conversations are more difficult than others. One of the easier conversations for couples to have is stress-reducing conversations. These are when couples talk to...
Relationship Resources Blog
Each day my life is enriched by listening to and guiding couples as they bring their raw experiences to sessions and we try to make sense of difficult times. Through these blog posts, I hope to give readers a snapshot of our work including examples of the real issues that people bring, and how we can find meaning and a path out together. Their identities are protected, but each experience is real. Because relationships are complex, my role is to help couples share their experiences while providing a conceptual road map to understand their experiences, finding a way out of the woods of painful experiences. This blog shares stories and concepts; I hope it provides hope, insight and richness to each reader’s own journey.
Repairs
Dr. John Gottman’s research demonstrates the importance of not attacking or being defensive. This can prevent conflict from occurring in the first place. However, when...
Are We Incompatible?
Eric & Meg got into a big fight over something small when Eric questioned whether he and Meg were compatible. They were having conflict with...
Create Connection
There are three primary ways couples connect with one another: sharing, doing, and being. Sharing can range from talking about one’s day, sharing stressful situations,...
Learning From a Debacle
I hadn’t seen Tim and Maura for a while, but they talked about how much progress they were making. Then Tim brought up a time...
It Takes Two
Rob and Allison were high school sweethearts. Now in their early thirties, they were struggling for quite some time. Allison was spending a lot of...
Missed Opportunity
I was talking with a colleague with whom I share a case (she sees the wife individually) and she talked about her approach to couples...
Being Present
Karl has a demanding job. Even when he’s on vacation, work slips into the vacation. With two young children, his wife Ashley gets irritated when...
Healing Past Wrongs
In our last couples counseling session, Kim shared an incident from many years ago when she told her husband David that she had made him...
Why Are You Rhetorical?
Jan just got back from a week-long conference and found Jeff in the garage. Jeff seemed aggravated and Jan said, “What’s the matter with you?”...
Thank You
The following was posted on the Gottman Institute’s blog Marriage Minute. Because the advice is subtle but profound, I wanted to share. Sorry for venting....
Possibility
I was talking with a couple about the importance of paying attention to the subtlety of language and the husband said, “I’m not skilled at...